Clear up the Ten Patterns

by Sondra Ray

(Pages 32-33 Loving Relationships)

A pattern is a repetitive unconscious behavior. 1 his is de­scriptive of the tendencies I have seen in relationships- at least in the old neurotic relationships of the past. Clearing out these patterns is imperative to having good relationships. Here are ten patterns I have identified that continue to show up in rela­tionships. I'm sure there are more; however, these seem to be the most common.
Pattern 1. Since you established your first relationship with your parents, you tend to recreate their person­alities as closely as possible in your other rela­tionships.
Pattern 2. You will tend to recreate the kind of relationships you had with your parents in your other relationships.
Pattern 3. You will tend to copy the relationships your parents had with each other.
Pattern 4. Since most of us are used to a heavy dose of parental disapproval, we will tend to create up­sets that will make our partner disapprove of us.
Pattern 5. You will tend to get even with your parents by using your mate or another. If your mate won't allow this, you might use your children.
Pattern 6. Most people subconsciously want to remain helpless children all of their lives. A conflict will occur when each wants to be a child and each wants the other to be his or her parent.
Pattern 7. Since most people are used to the struggle they had with their parents, having a totally success­ful, easy, smooth relationship is often too un­familiar to tolerate, and too threatening.
Pattern 8. Suppressed incest always stands in the way of sexual affection. The point at which you could not acknowledge sexual feelings for your par-

ents (or they for you) is the point where your sex­uality became inhibited.
Pattern 9. Because of self-hate and guilt there is the tendency to "beat yourself up" by using one of the following: Your body/your sex life/your career/your mate/your finances/your car.
a.    In other words, there is a tendency to
mess up one or all of these relationships
to punish yourself for something.
b.   The guilt and self-hate can go all the way
back to thinking you separated yourself
from God by taking on a body; thinking
that you are bad because you caused your
mother pain at birth. It is very deep.
c.    It, of course, can be due to anything else
that you did that was a "wrongdoing" in
your  own  eyes.   Children often  blame
themselves for their parents' divorces or
deaths, for example.
d.   Another way of "beating yourself up" for
these things is not to let yourself have
what you really deserve.  Not receiving
your good. A most common way is to ruin
your body somehow with obesity, pain, or
e.    This  all  results  in  a  thought:   I  hate
myself; I am a bad person. Then you will
attract someone that will prove it.
Pattern 10. You will attract someone who fits your patterns. That is, if you have a pattern that says "Men leave me," you will tend to attract a man who has a pattern of leaving.
You will find much greater contentment if you clear out your patterns. Then, instead of attracting someone who fits your patterns, you can attract someone in harmony with your high­est spiritual thoughts.